Monthly Archives: April 2012

Violent Tides, inside and out!

It started with a feeble whisper somewhere in the heavens. With every passing moment, hearts started thumping like a deck sailing on a violent ocean. Emotions endured as it approached further. The gushing breeze served as messengers. Breeze gushed into every nook and corner making every soul aware of the approaching thunder. Moonlight shivered through reflections leaving the eyes awed.

She sat on the shore, with her bare foot. As if the clouds seduced the ocean, it rose with excited tides. None of this mattered. She just sat there singing to herself. Not a soul wandered in that beach today. She was all alone. She whistled and sang with an enormous joy. The ocean and clouds climaxed their romance with a thunderous rain. Sand on the beach soaked as much water as it could, almost as if it was trying to save her from the ruthless pour. She still sat there drenched thinking about absolutely nothing but just singing to herself. She rejoiced in her heart. She had had one hell of a day. It started pouring more and the sand beneath her gave up. The rain finally washed away her sorrows with her very breath. Her last breath was filled with fresh breeze oozing out of the shores. Ocean had taken her life into itself.

Not many hours ago her life was as joyous as a kid with buckets of ice cream! She had it all. A successful career, a loving family, enough money to lead a luxurious life, health as perfect as a hare in the wild! If only she knew that none of this would matter just a few hours from then!!

That fateful day, as her eyelashes made way to the spectacular new rays of sun piercing through the drapes, she saw her most favorite person lying next to her on the bed. She kissed him on the forehead whispering ‘a very good morning’ as he still lay there, sound asleep. She got up to finish her morning chores; got ready for work and left. Later that day she would dread this very moment, but for now it was just a goodbye kiss. As she walked, she felt a ray of bright new hope hitting her on every step and she absorbed every bit of it. She was sure it would be just like any of her beautiful days.

Even though she had everything in life, she gravely missed one little member in her family. But today, her wish would be granted. Her little family would now be complete. She had taken the test herself many times before getting tested at the clinic. She was sure she would have a baby now. She walked into the clinic, waited for her turn and went inside the doctor’s cabin. Her tests had all come out. Doctor told her that everything was perfect and the baby would be perfectly healthy and pink like a fresh bloom. Her joy knew no bounds that very moment. She thanked the doctor and left for work.

Her day at work went as usual with great perfection. She wanted to wrap up work that day as early as possible to go back home. She wanted to break the news to her love, her ever-loving husband. The whole day she practiced how to tell him this phenomenally good news. She wanted to see his expression which would forever change their lives, in a great way. It was evening now and time to leave.

As she walked out she got a great idea to practice more on how to tell him this. As her home wasn’t too far from office, she decided to take a walk. That, she was sure would be a great chance to rehearse. All the way, she spoke to herself, rehearsing her dialogues. That got her quite a few stares throughout the way on the streets, but she didn’t give a damn. She wasn’t sure if she was ready. Even though she had known for a couple of days, she was not able to digest it all herself. So she took a little detour to relax herself at the beach.

The dense clouds had started gathering. It was pretty obvious that it would rain heavily, but it was still bright enough for her to not notice the clouds. She took off her slippers and held it in her hands as she felt every grain of sand sending orgasmic waves through her body all the way to her head. She had fallen in love with this day and it was evident on her face that this day would be her most memorable day in her entire life. She had no idea that this memory would last just a few more moments. As she reached the approaching waves, the dark dense clouds had rigorously covered the sky. Yet her eyes stared at the endless ocean which gave her the feeling of endless joy that she had been relishing all day. By now, the beach was deserted and it had gradually turned dark as well. She reached into the water to have her legs immersed till her ankles. She carried an effervescent smile. That was the last time she would ever smile.

Clouds were now at their mightiest and it started getting violent. Lightening and thunders followed. Clouds were about to burst vehemently to pour endlessly. It was as if the gods knew this would be her last rain. May be that’s why clouds were about to pour like she had never seen before.

She sat there in the shallow water suppressed in her thoughts. As she tried to gather words on how to tell him the news, her memories of last night started gathering as well. She had prepared his favorite dinner. Dinner table was set. She didn’t want to break him the news as yet since she wanted to get the confirmation from doctor the next day. But she wanted to make a perfect mood set for her tomorrow’s revelation. She had been seeing her husband getting stressed out a lot from last few weeks. He looked tied up with his own thoughts. Tonight, she would set it all straight at the dinner table and she had planned to serve the dessert not at the dinner table but in their bedroom! She knew how she could get through to his heart. Just the tummy wouldn’t help her, and she knew it. Dinner was ready and so was the bed.

Doorbell rang and she ran towards the door, dressed in her best. As was the trend from past few weeks, he seemed stressed and disconnected. He didn’t even care to notice how stunning she looked. He went to freshen up and change to his night clothes.

“I have your prepared your favorite dinner!” she said gladly.

“Thanks jaan. I am not very hungry though. I will just have some milk”

“Oh come on!!! Just give a li’l visit to this table here! You wouldn’t leave it for all the money in the world!”

“Please jaan. Don’t force me now!”

“Are you okay dear? I wanted to ask you since a few days now, but we never got time. Is everything alright? You seem a bit too stressed off late”

“I am perfectly fine. If milk isn’t there I will go to bed. I don’t really need it that bad” he said without much interest in this conversation.

“Don’t do this now. I took off from office early to do all this. Please! I wanted to speak to you, but lets wait till tomorrow. I have a news for you! You will love me more.”

“Oh good! Finally there’s some reason!” he murmured staring at the roof as he laid back on the couch! She ignored that, thinking he was just kidding. She was just glad he had found his sense of humor back after a long time! But then he continued “Even I wanted to speak to you from several days hon. Seeing you like this, I don’t know if I can suppress my words any longer. Lets talk”. These words caught her attention but she was still wondering if this was one of his jokes.

“Hahaa… very funny. What do you want to talk? How about starting with compliments on how I look?” she quipped.

“You look great! As always. But I’m serious. I was hoping to talk to you for a long time”

“Well. Ok…. But if this is the tone of you being funny, let me tell you, I don’t like it… at all!”

“I have never been this serious.” he replied with a deep tone.

“Go on” she said as she took out a glass of milk to warm it. She was concerned now.

“We went against everyone and got married. We both knew that we were madly in love with each other. We have had a wonderful time all these years. I wished this would last forever. But…” he was about to complete but went for a quick pause. That tiny second made her shiver. She passed on that shiver to the glass of milk she held. The feeble waves on the surface of milk were just a glimpse of huge tides hitting the walls of her heart. She didn’t like the use of past tense in every instance of his words. She leaned a little to get a clearer sound of what he was saying. She wanted to make sense of it. But her heart thumped louder than his words. But still, she tried hard to listen, gathering herself for this conversation. He continued after a brief pause.

“But…. Dear, we have grown apart since over a year. We don’t have each other when we need the most. Our dreams have changed. Priorities have all mixed up. I have always loved you, but the feeling of that love has started to disappear.” He wasn’t even looking at her. He just stared at the roof and kept talking. She didn’t know if she was listening to him or was this a nightmare. It was all real. This whole time he was giving meaningless explanations about why he thinks this relationship was going down the drain. But, she was in her own trauma. Her perfect life had started to wither down. The love that she believed they had, was starting to look like a demeaning emotion. Milk had started boiling. So was her heart; and so was her suppressed rage. This very moment had changed the immense love into excruciating hate. But she kept it all to herself, still pretending that this was just a nightmare in her perfect life, a perfect husband, a perfect home. With all the rage suppressed under layers of pretension, she spoke with her usual poise “But dear, didn’t you know that this would happen eventually. We have gone past the days of just being in love. We have responsibilities now. We definitely have more responsibilities coming our way. You will know for sure by tomorr…” she was about to complete but then he said the words she never thought she would ever hear from him.

“I know all that. But there’s someone else. I have fallen in love. This time, I know for sure that we would be perfect. She is just like the life-partner I had only dreamed of… She is” and he went on about a woman. The other woman. Her perfect family had a new member. Not the child she was carrying, but another woman he loved. She had lost the sense of reasoning. She reached out and took milk off the stove. She poured it back into a glass. Suddenly she didn’t want any of this to be real. She wanted to erase every little bit of this last few minutes which felt like a lifetime. She shivered more as she saw the sight of her perfect home being shattered into bits and pieces. Her home seemed like a giant pile of dust. She had a strange violent tide raising within her. She didn’t know what she was doing, or why she was doing it. She walked towards a wooden cabinet near the storage area of the kitchen. In the shelf, at the very bottom, she saw her relief. At that moment, she didn’t care what it was, but she was just sure that this would make her nightmares go away. She took the box which had a giant red skull on the box and it had “Poison” marked in giant font. It was as if she wasn’t herself anymore. She took it back to the stove. Mixed it with the milk. Added 3 spoons of sugar, she knew exactly how much he liked. She ignored every single word he had spoken after he mentioned about the other woman. She walked towards him like a zombie, without any feelings for him. She had drained out every bit of love she had for him. He was still talking, she went to him, sat next to him on the couch. She looked him in his eyes, she could see her own reflection in his eyes. That would be the last time she would every see herself in his eyes. She spoke “It’s ok jaan. I understand. You take rest now. We can speak tomorrow and here’s your milk…” she gave him that glass of milk.

She could see his surprised eyes. He was exhausted, but he was equally shocked to see how strangely well she had taken this. For a second, he felt a giant boulder of guilt rolling down his spine. But then, he just had that glass of milk and went to bed. She sat on the couch suppressed in her own emotions and rage. He had just destroyed every bit of soul in her perfect life. She now heard him coughing heavily. His suffering had started. She didn’t want to miss this spectacle. She walked into the room. He was lying on the bed shivering vigorously. She could see the immense shock in his eyes as he saw her. She knew that he had repented his deeds in that very last moment of his life. She could see it. She walked slowly towards him. In a couple of minutes, he gave away his last breath. For her, she chose to see her loving husband in him than the corpse of her betrayer. She took off his slippers. She tucked him well in a blanket. She didn’t want him to get cold. She slipped into her nightdress. She went to bed with her loving husband. She kissed him good night, hugged him and went to sleep. That night, she had the best sleep ever. Before going to sleep, she had made sure to throw away every bit of memory of her dead betrayer. She chose to live with her loving, perfect husband.

Now, sitting in the shallow waters on the beach, witnessing the rage of lightening and thunder, she regained her consciousness. Her violent streaks from yesterday started to haunt her. It all came back to her. She had killed her love like a cold killer. She had poisoned her husband from her own hands. Her smile was washed away in the thunderous rain. She hated what she had turned into. She wasn’t aware of what was happening around her. None of that mattered.

Violent tides inside her had made her take away her husband’s life yesterday; she wanted to give away hers to the violent tides of ocean. She did exactly that. Her very last thought was of this morning.This morning, on the bed, she had kissed her husband on the forehead to wish him good morning like she always did. But today, it was his corpse. Tides took over. She was part of the ocean now.

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Not so much of a story!

“Wow… I can’t believe I slept so long! Honey… What time is it?” he whispered checking for his glasses when he woke up.

“It’s Tuesday!”

“Oh… Well…”

“Yeah…. Friday nights can be long…!”

“Damn..!”

“Check your messages… There have been quite a few…. I will be back in 3 days… I was about to leave… Let me know how your writing goes this week… The magazine called and I guess the publisher isn’t having a party… unlike you!”

“Oh damn again… kill me now!!!” he lazed his words through as she picked up her bags and left.

It was not a beautiful morning as it had been for the last few weeks. Sun had taken over the landscape. The misty vegetation around the little town on the mountains had now started getting dried up in the naked heat of sun. The clouds which flirted with the mountains had now given up and moved on. Rains were a thing of past. The pleasantries of the nature were now replaced by its sheer brutal humidity. There were just a few traces of the pleasant weather that this town had witnessed in the past few weeks. Lakes were still full and the plants around them still glittered with colors. But it seemed obvious that this was all just a hangover from the past days of romance between clouds and the mountains. And it would all go away soon!

She had dumped all her warm clothes back in her hotel room and had made sure to be as minimal as she could. She knew the terrain and weather together wouldn’t help her carry any huge luggage. She had just carried her camera and a few tops with the only jeans she wore. She had stuffed her bag with more useful accessories which she was sure would be of more use than just clothes.

As she entered the borders of the jungle, she looked around to make sure no one was following her. She had to be sure. She ventured into the woods, taking a deep breath. She knew she would enjoy this, but she wasn’t so sure if she could survive this. After a brisk walk through the dense forest for a couple of hours, she reached the stone hill where she had expected him to be waiting. He was nowhere to be seen. She climbed to the tip and still, no trace of him! No trace of anyone. Not a life. Just the dense, intimidating forest. She waited for more than 3 hours sitting right there where she was told to wait.

Another couple of hours passed and the darkness started to emerge. She had no idea what to do now. She had to find something safe enough to be called a shelter. Rain wasn’t really an issue but the wild animals were. She tried to climb a tree hoping that the heights might save her from the wild. But then she remembered she was more scared of heights than being eaten. Trees were ruled out. She saw two huge rocks supporting each other to form a cave of sorts. She took a few steps towards it. There wasn’t breeze this evening but she saw dry branches moving near the rocks. Just another step closer to the rocks made her realize with a shock that they weren’t branches but a bunch of snakes. She suddenly gasped for breath and let out a feeble scream. She hurried back to a place where it was just plain space and nothing was around it. She sat down and slowly in a matter of minutes she was lying down, deep in sleep. Her subconscious knew she was sleeping in an open space but somewhere deep in her thoughts, or may be in her dreams, she knew she was sleeping on a huge huge rock. She felt a sudden jerk. She didn’t know if it was in her dreams or if it was happening really, but she was falling. She felt her body turn weightless and she was falling into an endless hole. She opened her eyes and there she was falling through absolute void. She struggled for breath. There was nothing she could see or feel. Not even her own body but all she knew was that she was falling. Suddenly she felt as if she was never going to hit a ground and this might be it. Her thoughts started blurring before her. She hoped this was a dream and it would end. She tried to struggle. Her eyes were open but there was nothing visible except that free fall. It was an excruciating pain to her mind more than her body. She still prayed for this to be a dream and her love would wake her up. She wished to have his hands on her shoulders and shake her till she wakes up. To her sheer surprise, it happened just like that. Someone shook her up and made her sit up. She opened her eyes to find herself awake. It was a  nightmare. But no, she didn’t wake up in her room with her husband. Not even at the jungle where she remembered dozing off. He wasn’t there. She found a stranger standing in front of her. He was dressed in a black tuxedo. He had a charming smile on his face. Neatly trimmed and masculine just like she had imagined in her fantasies.

“Wow… I can’t believe you slept so long… Honey, guess what time it is!” he said.

“Excuse me….?”

“I saw you shaking and go crazy about some dream that you might have been having so I woke you up! Dear, what’s wrong?”

“I am sorry. Do I know you? And what am I doing here? This looks like a hotel room! Quite an expensive hotel room!” she exclaimed with a mixture of shock, ignorance and surprise!

“You’re kidding right? Dear, you own this place. I am your husband. We just got married yesterday in this very house!”

“WHAT?! You’re nuts. Take me back from where ever you picked me up or I will call the police”

“Police? For what? And honey… I didn’t pick you up from anywhere. Remember? You picked me up from the jungles!”

“Stop calling me Honey and you don’t look like a fucking Tarzan from Jungles. You’re wearing a friggin’ tuxedo for cryin’ out loud!”

“Ok Stop. Don’t get excited. Just lay down here and I well get our in-house doctor.”

After what she just went through, she was no way going to just lay down on the bed. Something was too damn creepy and she had to find out what the hell was happening around here. She got up hurriedly and went to the door. The door was locked from outside. She ran towards the window. She drifted the drapes apart to check out where she was. A heavy breeze gushed in like a storm and she was shocked at what she saw. She was standing at what looked like a millionth floor on a sky scraper. All she could see outside was just an endless space, where clouds were floating much much below where she stood. She could see nothing else but what she thought was the outermost layer of atmosphere. This very thought made her sick to her guts. She searched for the wash room where she could throw up.

“Oh come on… Not again” she screamed when she opened the door to the washroom only to find herself in the middle of the same jungle in the open space where she remembered sleeping at. Her nerves felt jammed with thoughts and her mind was about to burst trying to make any sense of all of this. At once, she wanted to get back to at least that comfortable bed in that room at the sky-scraper. It was at least an enclosed space. She turned back and back around and turned around everywhere in all directions, but NOPE. She was just stranded in that stone hill. The same hill in the midst of that same huge jungle.

She was confused. She didn’t have a clue if she was in a dream or if she just had a dream and woke up now. Or if she is still sleeping on her bed in the hotel with her husband and this was all together a crazy tricky nightmare. She wished the latter. For a moment, she wished that she would happily trade her arms and eyes just to feel the safe hug from her love, her husband. She hoped…

“Oh shut up. I wouldn’t trade even the dirt on my toenails for your hug. Idiot…! Talk of going overboard” she said with an overdose of sarcasm.

“Oh honey… come on! It was a story with intrigue, wasn’t it?” he mumbled like a little puppy wagging its tail at its owner.

“Stop calling me honey and NO… The story didn’t make any sense at all. You just woke after sleeping for more than 3 days, almost! You are just in a major hangover. Gather yourself and call your publishers. They are pissed!”

“I don’t really know how to end the story. What am I gonna tell them!”

“To end? Oh come on… You hardly started. I lost the plot immediately after ‘my character’ hurries out of the room saying she will be back after 3 days. It started stinking right from there!”

“Oh please…. Don’t say that…! And why is your bag packed? You’re going somewhere?”

“And so you forgot again. I am gonna get in touch with that friend I told you about. Meanwhile, Check your messages… There have been quite a few…. I will be back in 3 days… I was about to leave… Let me know how your writing goes this week… The magazine called and I guess the publisher isn’t having a party… unlike you!” and she left.

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